Hi Karate

I snagged my pinky on Justin's tshirt sleeve the other day, and it really hurt! Justin looked at me and said "good thing this isn't my Bruce Lee shirt....it probably would have ripped your whole arm off".

Identity Crisis

Josh: mom, where are my financial records?
Me; you're 10, you don't have any financial records.
Josh: well....what are financial records?
Me: (explained what that is) why do you want to know that?
Josh: because the guy on tv said I should guard my financial records so nobody steals my identity!
Me: Josh....nobody is going to steal your identity.
Josh: Good- because that's creepy!  

It's 100% cotton!

After hearing a lot of banging and thumping that can only be described as "ruckus" in Josh and Caleb's room, Josh came out and I said "what are you all doing in there? You're supposed to be cleaning your room. Are you doing that, or are you beating holes in the walls? Because it sounds like you're beating holes in the walls."

Josh: No mom, we're not doing that. We're just throwing a football around in there and stuff. But it's not a big real football- it's a tiny little soft one full of cotton!

Me: You're sure it's cotton? You tested the fibers to see if they're cotton and not a blend?

Josh: It's cotton, mom. Caleb threw it at me and it hit me in the crotch and it didn't even hurt!


Science- meet your new test dummies.

The Birthday List

This is the week of birthdays in our house- we have three in 4 days! Josh K., Caleb and Zach. I was going into the store with Josh the other day, and I said "do how old are you going to be? 41, right?" he said "mom, I'm going to be 10, you already know that! Besides, if I was 41 my birthday list would have had cooler stuff on it. Like a gun, a truck, and a big tv." At least he's planning:)

The Monkees

Justin: Josh, you're an idiot. I think the monkey that plays the cymbals in your head ran away.

Hahahaaaa!!!! I love my kids:)

Snakes Alive...

Today I went to pick up Joshy at school. After a stint of being homeschooled he decided he'd like to go back, so he goes for a half day and we finish working at home. When I went to the door, he was waiting there with the principal and when she opened the door there had been a little garter snake hiding under the edge of the weather strip on the bottom, and he fell out when she opened the door. Well...she let out a scream that would wake the dead and I can't be sure, but out of the corner of my eye I thought I saw a trickle of pee running down her leg from under her skirt. Josh was behind her and couldn't reach it, so he yells "get him, mom!" so...what could I do? She was panicked and it looked like it was heading into the building....so as casually as I could (with all the kids filing by from lunch recess) reached down and picked it up. Naturally it decided to be dramatic and flail around and try to bite me, which made her squeal even more- so I took it over to the grass and got rid of it as quick as I could. But-too late....we had an audience of about 25 fourth graders watching. Guess who the cool mom is now? :)

On the way home I found out that Caleb and Josh have a plan. After they eat lunch and go outside, they line their lunchboxes up by the building. We have a small rural school that has a lot of trees around. Their plan is to "catch things" at lunch recess, sneak them into their lunchboxes and bring them home. I highly discouraged this...after what I saw this morning I can't even imagine what would happen if their "pets" got out in the classroom...not to mention driving home unknowingly hauling a mini zoo in the back seat. I don't mind most critters, but I certainly do not want a snake slithering up my gas pedal leg.

Keep It To Yourself.

Last night Joshy and Caleb were telling Hubs how they'd "manned up" and moved a bunch of firewood to a dry location because it was wet (read: we threw it down the hill). Hubs said "wow...that was manly. Have you got any hair on your chest yet?" to which Joshy replies "nope; but I have armpit hairs coming in- I can feel it with my tongue when I lick my armpits!" and since he had no shirt on, put his arm in the air and....licked his armpit. After Hubs and I recovered from the shock of seeing him do this, he says " oh that's nothing, I can put my tongue between my toes too!"


Oh God. Please make it stop.

Pew pew pew!

Caleb: I want one of those red dot sights on my gun...when I get a gun, that is.
Me: red dot...that's a laser sight.
Caleb: it's a laser?? Cool! Pew! Pew! Pew!
Me: no, not that kind....of laser. You know what, nevermind. Pew! Pew! Pew!

The Hunting Trip (part deux)

Deer Season 2010...right before Joe was due to leave for basic training. Hard to believe that's been that long ago....but also one of the funniest Joe moments ever!

So, off we go to Osceola for the weekend. Everyone is there, and it's a great time just like normal. Saturday morning- opening morning. We had finally gotten all the boys down the night before- those 6 had the WORST cases of buck fever EVER! They could not sleep- it was funny:) Hubs had told Joe to be ready by 5:30- they were going to head out early and be in the woods at first light. Well, our alarm went off, and Hubs figured since they hadn't gone to bed till late, and they're not exactly early risers, he'd let them sleep a few more minutes. About 15 minutes later he got up, got all dressed, and went upstairs to get some coffee. He gets in there to find Joe standing there, in the dark, leaned against the wall, boots, coat, rifle, READY. Hubs looks at him, nods- morning Joe, why didn't you make the coffee?
Joe: you didn't say to. You said to be up and ready at 5:30, and that's all you said for me to do, so that's what I did.
Hubs: yeah....ok Joe. Well, next time....coffee. Ok?
Joe: yes sir.

Hubs went down and woke the other two monster buck hunters, and they got ready and got their hot chocolate, and off they went. I stayed in with the wee ones; it was a bit cold out that year to take them out so early. It wasn't long and I heard bang! Bang! Bang! ok...I figured they'd head back soon and hang their deer. Nope....they were gone, and gone, and gone....I finally gave up waiting and went back to bed.

They eventually came back, two deer in tow. Hubs was laughing so hard- see, Joe had never gutted a deer before. This was his learning experience. And boy did he learn a lesson...

Joe sat on his little stool Hubs had left for him, waiting for his deer. Pretty soon it came along, and Joe took his shot. He said "it jumped up and turned around and ran- I thought I missed it! So there I am, silently throwing a fit and banging my fist on my knee, by myself in the woods." Hubs shot his not long after, and decided he'd better go check on Joe. He gets over there, and Joe's still sitting on the stool.
Hubs: well, I heard you shoot, where's your deer?
Joe: I think I hit it...it ran off.
Hubs: huh. Well, you sure you hit it?
Joe: oh yeah, I hit it.
Hubs: well, get up. Let's track it.
Joe: ok...
Hubs: (after walking about 50 feet) Hey Joe, is this your deer? This dead one laying here bleeding all over?
Joe: yep, thats the one.
Hubs: you shot it in the heart with a 30.30 Joe. It wasn't about to run far. How come you didn't get up and look for it?
Joe: you told me to stay here until you came back.
Hubs: right.....

Hubs: ok, well lets get this thing gutted, I've got one laying I need to do too.
Joe: ok....well where do I start?
Hubs: (points) well, you can start at either end, really, but once you get down to this end here...well, you've got you a little buck, so you've got, um, "equipment" to deal with too.
Joe: Oh. I see that. Well- here goes.....(he starts in on it)

things were going pretty well until he got to that "one end"

Joe: now what?
Hubs: well, you'll have to get that out of the way; cut around it, and then you gotta, um, cut the butthole out- otherwise if you cut into it, all that stuff in the intestines will come out...and then you've got a real mess. It's best to keep all that on the inside.

Joe: makes sense. Ok...and he grabbed him a big ol' hand full of deer nuts and went to town cutting. (I am so sad I wasn't there to witness this).
He gets around all that, and then...the butt.
Joe: so, whats the best way to do this?
Hubs: (and here's the lesson) well, some people stick their finger in there and just cut around that, and then pull it all out.
Joe: really?
Hubs: yep.
Joe: ok....He extends his pointer finger....moving ever so slowly closer to the deer...and stopped about 1/4" from that poor deer's behind- and he looked up at Hubs and said "is this how you do it?
Hubs: (unable to keep from laughing any more) no, Joe.....don't stick your finger in there.

What's the lesson?

First one up makes the coffee.

The Hunting Trip

This was a couple of summers ago, but we laugh about it still. Most of you have heard this one, but it's a goody that needs repeating!


Caleb and Joshy decided one day when it was about 100 degrees out, that they needed to go hunting. Since we had just gotten Duke a camo collar and leash, they decided they would take him along as "the dog". After all, every hunting party needs a good dog, right? I should add that Duke is really good at napping, and finding warm or cool spots to lay depending on the weather. One time he killed a groundhog, the excitement was too much, and he came in the house and threw up. So this was the "hunting dog" and it was all because of his attire. He wasn't too keen on going, but since they had him on a leash, he really had no choice.
I asked them where they were going, and told them not to go too far, and they said they would be fine because Josh had his bow, and Caleb had his bb gun along, so I shouldn't worry, because they would be safe. Besides, they had Duke, and he's taller than them. Well ok, as long as you think you are.
They took off to the woods, and I went back to washing, and I guess it was about 45 minutes later when they came back....
They came busting in the door, huffing and puffing, beet-red in the face- and the two biggest brown eyes next to the two biggest blue eyes I'd ever seen! Duke was with them, and he just collapsed onto the kitchen floor in a lather and covered in mud.....

Me: what happened?
Caleb: oh, we were so scared just now! Something was following us in the woods!
Josh: yeah! We were being stalked!
Me: By what? A bear?
Them: we don't know! But Duke knew it- he was pulling and pulling on the leash, so we just had to let him go, and he ran off! So we were walking, and walking, and then we could hear it....."chinka-chinka...chinka-chinka".....(meanwhile their eyes are getting bigger and bigger....
Me: oh my...that does sound scary, what did you do?
Them: well, we walked some more, very silently, and then it was closer! *chinka-chinka....chinka-chinka* (and you have to know Caleb was motioning his hands back and forth like that, like chinka chinka)
Me: Oh you guys.....what happened then?
Them: (while hunkering down together in the kitchen to show me) we got down like this....and I got my bow ready, and he got his bb gun ready......and we could HEAR it crashing through the brush!! It was so close then!
Me: *gasp*! Then what?
Caleb jumps up- It was HIM! (points at Duke) he was on the ground rubbing his back in the sticks like this (rolls on the floor to show me)
Me: Oh my, what a bad dog! Why is he so wet and muddy?
Them: well, because he went to get in the neighbor's pond because he was too hot, only we couldn't go there to get him because you and dad told us to stay away from there! So we decided to keep hunting without him, and then he was lost!
Me: well...was he lost? Or was he trying to catch up and follow you home?
Them: we don't know! He just left us!
Me: well....maybe...just maybe....he wanted to go swimming? And what you heard were his tags jingling?
Them: (looking at each other) oooooohhhhhh.....yeah, maybe.....

They haven't gone hunting without Dad since;)

Kind Of Old People

Josh: mom, how old is Uncle Larry? (again, his randomness kills me)
Me: well, I'm not sure. Why don't you ask him sometime?
Josh: Well.....I bet he's kind of old, like 35 or something.
Me: Maybe......I'm sure it would be ok to ask though if you're not sure.
Josh: No- I don't want to humiliate him. Sometimes people get mad if you ask how old they are; not kids though. Kids don't care. But people who are kind of old do.


Heh heh heh......and I just had a birthday that made me......kind of old.

Mr. President

Josh: if I ever become president, I'm going to make a law that all food shall be free. Because if you don't have a job, you won't have any money, and then you'll just have to eat sticks or something, and that's not nice.
Me: well, that would be nice...
Josh: that way the hobos can get food too. Did you know there are actually people who go out and look for hobos to give them sandwiches? That because all they eat is rotten stuff. I know it seems wierd to go look for hobos on purpose, but those people are really brave!
Me: why don't you just be one of those workers who feed the homeless?
Josh: no way! Hobos terrify me!


And being president doesnt?

Good thing...

Joshy: it's a good thing we don't have giant flowers here.
Me: why not? Giant flowers are pretty.
Joshy: yeah, but a garter snake could climb up into one and hide, and then if we pick it and put it in a thing on the table, when we sit down to eat supper, it WILL come out, and there will BE a snake on the table at supper!
Me: good thing we don't have any giant flowers...

Manwich

Joshy: mom, what's a warlock? (I have NO idea what brought this on- he was eating cereal.)
Me: oh, it's kind of like a man witch.
Joshy:...like sloppy joes?
Me: what? ....oh....Manwich....ok. You got me.

Barging In

An oldie but a goodie...

Joshy: mom, I need a barger thing.
Me: a what?
Joshy: you know, those things people use when they just barge in on someone?
Me: I think you mean a battering ram...or a ramrod...
Joshy: yeah- that. I need one of those things.


I don't even want to know.

Way to go, Grace....

This morning I dropped my phone on the floor after a few botched attempts to catch it. Justin happened by about that time, and without even looking up from the floor, mumbled "nice hands, feet".

Thanks, Justin.

Moisty?

Getting in the truck last night after a light rain...

Zach: it's really moisty out here...moist...moisture, whatever it is!
Me: moisty?
Zach: yeah, it's really damp.
Jason: it's called rain, son.
Zach:oh...has it been raining?
Me: wait- you just said....nevermind. Yes, Zach. It's moisty.

The Great White North

Zach and Justin, pondering the whereabouts of Alaska-stationed brother Joe:

Zach: (looking at a map) so where's Joe at?
Justin: up there, in Alaska. In the middle of it.
Zach: the middle...here?
Justin: no doofus, that's the United States. He's in the US, just in Alaska. Here. (points)
Zach: oh...well what's this big space in the middle?
Justin: it's Canada, you dope.


So proud. So. Proud.

Little Dirty Birdy Feet...

Well a big thank-you and kiss on the cheek to Hubs for reminding me of this one...

During the summer, especially on house cleaning days, when the boys are outside, I lock the front door to keep them from running in and out of it and tracking the house up, and also because there is no way of knowing what they'll bring inside with them that they just HAVE to show me. Once Caleb caught a lizard, which bit him on the side of his hand and hung on. Instead of prying it off, he ran all the way into the kitchen to show me that it was hanging there like an ornament. I don't mind lizards, but that certainly does not mean I want one in my bed, so if you please, can you take it outside before it drops off in the house? His answer was "oh no, he's real mad, he just bites harder when you touch him". Well as long as you're sure.
Sometimes they tell people that I lock them out of the house- they leave out the part where the other three doors are open, just not the front door. You should see people's faces when they tell that..."she locks you out?" oh yeah, she wants to keep the house clean. Haha!

Anyway, during one of these locked-door-because-moms-mopping days, the windows were open, and Caleb and Joshy had killed a bird with their bb guns and "field dressed" it. Now, if you're squeamish, or some kind of PETA person or something, you should stop reading now. Look; our kids think that animals (wild ones, anyway) are here to be shot, dressed and thrown on the grill and I'm inclined to go along with that because it drastically reduces our grocery bill. They once shot a chickadee while they were at grandpa and grandmas, and since you don't shoot animals unless you intend to eat them, grandpa plucked that little thing, stuck it on a stick and roasted it and they ate it. That's right, they ate a chickadee. But they learned their lesson. Or so we thought.
Those two killed this bird, cleaned it, and brought it to me wanting me to start them a fire so they could eat it. I told them no. I told them to get rid of it and to not do that any more. Well, after being upset about wasting it, (I told them that next time they should coordinate schedules for roasting with the fire-maker to prevent waste) they threw it in the ditch for the critters to eat. Let me rephrase that. They threw most of it out. Because the next thing I knew, they were at the window again with the dismembered legs, pulling on the tendons making the feet flex and bend and stuff..."look! If you pull on these threads the feet go like this: *scratch*scratch*scratch*" while they were pinching and scratching each other with them. All I could say was "you better get that mess off my porch!"

Fast forward to the next morning. Laundry day. I'm unloading the washer getting ready to hang a basket out on the line, and after I'd emptied it, I looked in and there appeared to be a small stick laying in the bottom. I picked it up...it was a bird foot. One of them had put it in his pocket "for later". I laid it on the corner of the washer and called Joshy in (he was closest) and said "I think this belongs to you..." and his face lit up like Christmas morning, "you found it! I thought I lost it!" and off he went...I told him to just not keep it in his bedroom.

Beavers

Joshy while hiking around some ponds where there was lots of beaver sign: "it's raining beavers!"


Haaaa!! And not one of them is old enough to laugh like i did.

The Hippies

Last night as Hubs was driving the boys to town:

Caleb: can Joe go ice fishing in Alaska?
Hubs: sure, people go ice fishing there all the time.
Caleb: those kind of people are called hobos.
Hubs: hobos? Who's a hobo?
Caleb: no...hippies! They're called hippies!
Hubs: what? Hippies?
Zach: they're Eskimos, Caleb. They're called Eskimos.
Caleb: YEAH! Eskimos! That's the word!


It seems some PC education is in order here....

The wrestler

Today Joshy came home with a note from his teacher that said after math class, he decided to pick up his chair, hold it over his head and "do exercises" with it. She said she had a talk with him about the dangers of having a chair over his head. We asked him what the deal with the chair was, and he said "oh, I was just practicing to be a pro wrestler".
Seriously?
But then he said "I'm not really going to be a pro wrestler, I could be killed. Those guys use tables and stuff". This while he had no shirt on, and pajama pants on his head like a sheik. And then he walked away, like it was the most normal thing he'd done all day....

Postellas

Three of the five are in orchestra at school- Zach, Justin and Josh A. They do one fundraiser every year and that is to sell poinsettias at the Christmas concert.

Zach: We have order forms for the postellas!
Me: The what?
Zach: Postellas, poncellas.......whatever they are!
Me: No, honey, I don't know- what do they look like?
Zach: you know, those red Christmas flowers?
Me:....poinsettias?
Zach: yeah! Postellas!

Well, I can't ever call them anything else now.

Risking Your Own Life

In our house leftover night is called "Every Man For Himself". Zach botched it so bad one night with "is tonight risk your own life night?" I can't stop laughing!

Of course, it might be. Depends on how far back in the fridge you dig. Then maybe.

Contraband

So, we're putting the kids to bed the other night, and I look in Caleb's room and see that he has a scissors in his bed. Jason goes in to confiscate the scissors, because that is not allowed except at the table with supervision. He asked Caleb "so what other contraband have you got in here?" "what's that mean?" "You know, guns, knives, more scissors, explosives, that sort of thing." At which point Caleb jumps up and says "Oh! I have this!" And pulls from his nightstand....a homemade firework bomb. Complete with unlit fuse. He's been stashing unused Black Cats from 4th of July and New Year's until he had enough, and stuffed them in a big fishing bobber with the fuse out the top. 

This, my friends, is why Captain Morgan makes rum.

Now bring us the figgy pudding....

Lol Caleb just told me his favorite Christmas song is "the one with the figgy pudding" haha! 
He remembers that line, but not the "we wish you a merry Christmas" part?

Why Muppets love each other...

While watching the Muppet Caper with Josh: I can see why Piggy loves Kermit so much, frogs are fascinating.

My life savings!

Josh: mom, if you made me a caramel pie for my birthday, I'd give you my life savings...
Me: all $2, eh? 
Josh: (very seriously) oh no- I have almost $10!!

This is nuts....

Zach: can I try this peanut brittle? 
Me: you don't like nuts, and thats basically all that is...
Zach: well peanuts are fine, and pecans. I'm just a picky nut eater- like acorns. I don't like acorns. 
Jason: o_o.....nobody eats acorns son...
Me:hahahahaaaa!!!!

Lost Tots

Today, Jason and Josh and Caleb dropped me off at the store before they went over to Orschelns......the boys were looking at toys, and while they were busy doing that Jason went around the corner to get a new shovel handle. As he was coming back this is what he heard....
Caleb: Dad? Dad? Where's dad? 
Josh: oh no! We're lost!! 
(they look at each other...)
OH NO!! WE'RE LOST TOTS!!

I got mad parenting skills....

Josh: mom, I'm sure glad you're one of those moms that will actually take care of me, and feed me stuff I like and not just feed me one time a day and make me go work in the field. 
Me: well geez, I hope I take better care of you than that! 
Josh: yeah, you do pretty good. There's some stuff you could try to do better, but you're ok. 

I....don't guess I know quite how to take that!

Dollar dollar bills, yo...

Justin, while looking at several $5 bills he has (with the purple ink on them): ha, these are all fakes. 
Me (totally kidding): Justin, are you counterfeiting money in your bedroom? 
Justin: no, that's illegal! 
Me: I was kidding, Justin. 
Justin: I was too.....

Wait, what?

Idiot Pills

Justin: Josh, are you secretly taking idiot pills?

It's a Start

I guess I can start this because I have so many funny stories about our kids- something happens almost every day! I usually just post this stuff on Facebook, and people keep saying "oh you should write a book!" But I decided to do this instead:) It's ok, you can call me lazy. I don't mind. I'm tired.

I really can't remember every funny thing they've ever said or done, but I can tell you it's a lot!

We have 6 boys- the oldest is 20 and is a helicopter mechanic in the Army, he's stationed in Alaska. It sucks. I miss him terribly. He was just home at Christmas for a week, though, and that was nice. He had to run around too much while he was here and I think it was frustrating for him. I know it was for me.
Anyway- that's Joe. Then there's Zach, he's 12. He mixes up his words a lot and mispronounces things and it cracks me up! Sometimes it's just epic. Then Justin, he's 11, he's the reader of the group- like chock full of completely random things. Most are useless. Then there's Josh A. He's 10. He flips out about meaningless stuff a lot, and really wants to BE big and older, and it's just not happening fast enough for him. He's the science-ey type. We bought him a watch for Christmas last year and he's worn it for the last 365 days without fail, to the point of giving himself a pressure ulcer from too tight of a band. That kid:) Then there's Josh K. (Joshy) (that's right- two Josh's). He's 9. This boy is a wild man. Like cannot sit, in the office at school all the time, acting crazy every second he's awake- but then loves his kitty cats and will sit and hold them for hours, until they scratch and bite him because they no longer wish to be held. Last but not least is Caleb, who is also 9. He is probably the toughest kid I know. Super fast runner/tree climber/bike rider- he scares me. And the two 9 year olds are just three days apart- July 10 and July 13. So that's the bunch of them. They're maniacs.

Now- when we met, I told my husband I was scared. "Too many", I said. He grinned. "Too much". He grinned. "How will we do it?" I said. He grinned. And then he said "Baby, we got this." And we do:) I love him so.

I don't know- This won't be in any particular chronological order, I mean later it will be, but when I start thinking about all the crazy things they've said and done, they thoughts just keep coming! And when you start reading this, you'll know it's a wonder I can string two thoughts together at any given time. We live out in the country, so there's lots of room for them to invent these things to do...

So- ok. We just moved into a new (to us) house this past fall. Now, I'm not scared by much- but I REALLY do not like possums and mice. I don't know why- I have had pet boa constrictors and pythons, and lizards and tarantulas, and stuff usually doesn't scare me. But those two things just don't sit with me. I once shot a possum on the front porch of my house with a .22 magnum, and since it wouldn't stop moving I was afraid it was coming for me so I shot it 6 times....so, it's like that. Joe thought I was AWESOME for doing so (he was about 8) and then reenacted the whole story for anyone who would listen, complete with writhing on the floor imitating the possum. Nice. Well, when we moved, this house had been vacant for awhile while they were renovating. So, that's when The Drama started. The night we moved in, we were just exhausted- it had rained on us all flippin' day long, we and all of our stuff was covered in mud- it was really terrible. We collapsed into bed at like 11:30 that night. The next morning, Hubs and I went down to the kitchen and I went to make the coffee. I saw then while I was rinsing the pot out that I had forgotten to let out the dishwater I had the night before when I was wiping things down. So, sleepy headed me, reaches down without much thought- you know, we were discussing what we wanted to get done and set up and unpacked that day, and yada yada. I reach in and grab the dishrag that was floating on top, and threw it in the other basin, and in the same movement I stuck my hand in to reach for the plug and looked down....to see A DEAD MOUSE DROWNED IN THE DISHWATER! Holy crap!!! Well, I had a less than mature reaction to that little event- and so Hubs came over and got it and threw it outside while I Cometed and then bleached the sink and everything else in the entire kitchen. So, alerted by my screeching, naturally all five come running in, and I told them what happened. Well- the hunt was on. It was like that movie Mouse Trap. I told Hubs I thought I just needed him to set some traps, but he's so clever and all, his reply was "well, it looks like you've got that part under control- just leave a sink full of water every night!" You know, that's not funny.
That night, we hadn't seen a mouse all day, I was under the delusion that we were safe. Until bedtime. Hubs and I had gone out to the patio and sat on the porch swing and were having a drink, and when we came in, he went to put the glasses in the sink, and I went to the laundry room. When I turned and came out- he was gone! Or at least I thought he was- I saw him then, just the top of his head peeking over the top of the bar. I thought "what is he doing down there?" and went around to see.....and there they were. He had his cup upside down on the floor. Naturally, my heart began to pound- "what is that? what are you doing? why is your cup like that?" and then I realized- he had a mouse under there! He saw it running across the floor, simply stepped over and trapped it under his cup! So I had to ask- "so, what now Mr. Trapper Man? How are you going to get it out of there? It will run away!" To which he grinned (that's what he does when he doesn't really want to tell me stuff) and said "well, it's not going to run away...it's not all the way under the cup....I'm currently suffocating it with the rim just like a mouse trap." You have got to be kidding. What else could I do but walk away?

Next day: Hubs goes to work. I take the kids to school. I'm all alone except for Duke, our elderly Great Dane- he's absolutely no help at all. I was literally run out of my home by two mice. I was sitting at the table, having coffee and a bagel before I tore into the boxes in the living room, and out of the corner of my eye I see a tiny shadow darting across my kitchen floor. I look, and sure enough, there it was, a tiny one, but doesn't that mean they're faster runners? I had traps, so I set out all I had, I think it was a six pack, and baited them with peanut butter and went outside- no way was I staying in there during that mess! So I called my husband while I was peering in the kitchen windows from outside, and told him what was happening, and he had the nerve to laugh at me again. I do not care, I was not going to witness that. And I still had to make a plan for disposing of it if I actually caught one, so I was outside. And then- the Snap. Oh God. Now what? He's laughing, still, and told me to just pick up the trap and all and throw it out, and the boys could take care of it when they got home. Um, NO? I'm not touching any part of that! So, I devised a plan. I would get an empty granola bar box and a broom, and hold the box with my foot, sweep it in, and then sweep the whole works outside. Done! While I was outside, another mouse, a necrophiliac mouse, had also come along to view the proceedings. I went in, and thought "oh, it looks bigger in the trap", and walked closer only to find that another mouse had come along and cuddled up and WENT TO SLEEP next to the dead one!!!! I took pictures. I knew nobody would believe it. Back out I went. Called Hubs again. More laughing. Necrophiliac mouse went and hid, as he should have. Shame on him. I used my granola bar box and got the dead one outside, over the retaining wall, and sat down and waited some more. Outside. Nothing. By then it was time to go get the boys from school (yes, this took all day) so on the way home I explained what had happened and that I needed to have one of them empty the trap so I could set it again. Right away, Caleb and Joshy volunteered like I knew they would and did the job as soon as we got home (not without inspecting the dead mouse, hey- it was the first one they'd seen up close). I went in, and went about putting laundry away, and I opened the basement door to go to Zach and Justin's room- and there it was! Necrophiliac mouse! I kind of panicked- because I didn't have any traps down there- they were all in the kitchen! Now, I should add that those two little ones are the critter catching-est kids you've ever seen. Lizards, snakes, frogs, whatever. They're quick. Caleb happened to be close by, so I whispered "Caleb! Come here quick!" He ran over and I showed him, "there's a mouse right down there at the bottom of the stairs. Think you can catch it?" He looked at me like "what makes you think I can NOT catch it?" and kicked off his shoes, and on tiptoe, flattened himself up against the stairway wall like Mission Impossible, and skipped down the stairs, snuck around back of the mouse, who was busy looking through the carpet fibers and thinking of dead mice, crouched down, and quick as lightning PEEP! Snatched that mouse off the floor with his bare hands!! I about fainted. All he could do was call for Joshy to come look at how cute it was. Bleah. I told them to get rid of it outside.
As soon as we got back upstairs, we could see one under the fridge, so I thought well, maybe they can just catch this one too. Caleb got on one side of the fridge, Joshy on the other, and they were both reaching behind it as far as they could go, and they kept saying "we can see it! Try to make him run this way!" And do you know those little sh*ts caught that one too? Caleb caught it, and he took it outside, and they were going on and on about how cute it was, and soft fur, and gross gross GROSS. (that part was me) I called Hubs again, and told him what had happened, and he said, "well, they know they can't keep them right? You did tell them that, right?" Well, no- it never occurred to me that they'd want to! He was right. When I said to them that they couldn't keep it, Caleb hung his head and said, "well Josh, you better got let the other one go". WHAT?? You kept it? WHERE? And along comes Joshy with a bucket...with Robert in it. (they named it Robert.)

I let them keep them for awhile in the bucket, but eventually they took them out to the woods and let them go. It was a sad day for them. And and exhausting two days for me! (they named the other one Bill)

First mouse

Necrophiliac mouse!

Caleb after the mouse

This is Robert.

This is Bill and Robert.