I really can't remember every funny thing they've ever said or done, but I can tell you it's a lot!
We have 6 boys- the oldest is 20 and is a helicopter mechanic in the Army, he's stationed in Alaska. It sucks. I miss him terribly. He was just home at Christmas for a week, though, and that was nice. He had to run around too much while he was here and I think it was frustrating for him. I know it was for me.
Anyway- that's Joe. Then there's Zach, he's 12. He mixes up his words a lot and mispronounces things and it cracks me up! Sometimes it's just epic. Then Justin, he's 11, he's the reader of the group- like chock full of completely random things. Most are useless. Then there's Josh A. He's 10. He flips out about meaningless stuff a lot, and really wants to BE big and older, and it's just not happening fast enough for him. He's the science-ey type. We bought him a watch for Christmas last year and he's worn it for the last 365 days without fail, to the point of giving himself a pressure ulcer from too tight of a band. That kid:) Then there's Josh K. (Joshy) (that's right- two Josh's). He's 9. This boy is a wild man. Like cannot sit, in the office at school all the time, acting crazy every second he's awake- but then loves his kitty cats and will sit and hold them for hours, until they scratch and bite him because they no longer wish to be held. Last but not least is Caleb, who is also 9. He is probably the toughest kid I know. Super fast runner/tree climber/bike rider- he scares me. And the two 9 year olds are just three days apart- July 10 and July 13. So that's the bunch of them. They're maniacs.
Now- when we met, I told my husband I was scared. "Too many", I said. He grinned. "Too much". He grinned. "How will we do it?" I said. He grinned. And then he said "Baby, we got this." And we do:) I love him so.
I don't know- This won't be in any particular chronological order, I mean later it will be, but when I start thinking about all the crazy things they've said and done, they thoughts just keep coming! And when you start reading this, you'll know it's a wonder I can string two thoughts together at any given time. We live out in the country, so there's lots of room for them to invent these things to do...
So- ok. We just moved into a new (to us) house this past fall. Now, I'm not scared by much- but I REALLY do not like possums and mice. I don't know why- I have had pet boa constrictors and pythons, and lizards and tarantulas, and stuff usually doesn't scare me. But those two things just don't sit with me. I once shot a possum on the front porch of my house with a .22 magnum, and since it wouldn't stop moving I was afraid it was coming for me so I shot it 6 times....so, it's like that. Joe thought I was AWESOME for doing so (he was about 8) and then reenacted the whole story for anyone who would listen, complete with writhing on the floor imitating the possum. Nice. Well, when we moved, this house had been vacant for awhile while they were renovating. So, that's when The Drama started. The night we moved in, we were just exhausted- it had rained on us all flippin' day long, we and all of our stuff was covered in mud- it was really terrible. We collapsed into bed at like 11:30 that night. The next morning, Hubs and I went down to the kitchen and I went to make the coffee. I saw then while I was rinsing the pot out that I had forgotten to let out the dishwater I had the night before when I was wiping things down. So, sleepy headed me, reaches down without much thought- you know, we were discussing what we wanted to get done and set up and unpacked that day, and yada yada. I reach in and grab the dishrag that was floating on top, and threw it in the other basin, and in the same movement I stuck my hand in to reach for the plug and looked down....to see A DEAD MOUSE DROWNED IN THE DISHWATER! Holy crap!!! Well, I had a less than mature reaction to that little event- and so Hubs came over and got it and threw it outside while I Cometed and then bleached the sink and everything else in the entire kitchen. So, alerted by my screeching, naturally all five come running in, and I told them what happened. Well- the hunt was on. It was like that movie Mouse Trap. I told Hubs I thought I just needed him to set some traps, but he's so clever and all, his reply was "well, it looks like you've got that part under control- just leave a sink full of water every night!" You know, that's not funny.
That night, we hadn't seen a mouse all day, I was under the delusion that we were safe. Until bedtime. Hubs and I had gone out to the patio and sat on the porch swing and were having a drink, and when we came in, he went to put the glasses in the sink, and I went to the laundry room. When I turned and came out- he was gone! Or at least I thought he was- I saw him then, just the top of his head peeking over the top of the bar. I thought "what is he doing down there?" and went around to see.....and there they were. He had his cup upside down on the floor. Naturally, my heart began to pound- "what is that? what are you doing? why is your cup like that?" and then I realized- he had a mouse under there! He saw it running across the floor, simply stepped over and trapped it under his cup! So I had to ask- "so, what now Mr. Trapper Man? How are you going to get it out of there? It will run away!" To which he grinned (that's what he does when he doesn't really want to tell me stuff) and said "well, it's not going to run away...it's not all the way under the cup....I'm currently suffocating it with the rim just like a mouse trap." You have got to be kidding. What else could I do but walk away?
Next day: Hubs goes to work. I take the kids to school. I'm all alone except for Duke, our elderly Great Dane- he's absolutely no help at all. I was literally run out of my home by two mice. I was sitting at the table, having coffee and a bagel before I tore into the boxes in the living room, and out of the corner of my eye I see a tiny shadow darting across my kitchen floor. I look, and sure enough, there it was, a tiny one, but doesn't that mean they're faster runners? I had traps, so I set out all I had, I think it was a six pack, and baited them with peanut butter and went outside- no way was I staying in there during that mess! So I called my husband while I was peering in the kitchen windows from outside, and told him what was happening, and he had the nerve to laugh at me again. I do not care, I was not going to witness that. And I still had to make a plan for disposing of it if I actually caught one, so I was outside. And then- the Snap. Oh God. Now what? He's laughing, still, and told me to just pick up the trap and all and throw it out, and the boys could take care of it when they got home. Um, NO? I'm not touching any part of that! So, I devised a plan. I would get an empty granola bar box and a broom, and hold the box with my foot, sweep it in, and then sweep the whole works outside. Done! While I was outside, another mouse, a necrophiliac mouse, had also come along to view the proceedings. I went in, and thought "oh, it looks bigger in the trap", and walked closer only to find that another mouse had come along and cuddled up and WENT TO SLEEP next to the dead one!!!! I took pictures. I knew nobody would believe it. Back out I went. Called Hubs again. More laughing. Necrophiliac mouse went and hid, as he should have. Shame on him. I used my granola bar box and got the dead one outside, over the retaining wall, and sat down and waited some more. Outside. Nothing. By then it was time to go get the boys from school (yes, this took all day) so on the way home I explained what had happened and that I needed to have one of them empty the trap so I could set it again. Right away, Caleb and Joshy volunteered like I knew they would and did the job as soon as we got home (not without inspecting the dead mouse, hey- it was the first one they'd seen up close). I went in, and went about putting laundry away, and I opened the basement door to go to Zach and Justin's room- and there it was! Necrophiliac mouse! I kind of panicked- because I didn't have any traps down there- they were all in the kitchen! Now, I should add that those two little ones are the critter catching-est kids you've ever seen. Lizards, snakes, frogs, whatever. They're quick. Caleb happened to be close by, so I whispered "Caleb! Come here quick!" He ran over and I showed him, "there's a mouse right down there at the bottom of the stairs. Think you can catch it?" He looked at me like "what makes you think I can NOT catch it?" and kicked off his shoes, and on tiptoe, flattened himself up against the stairway wall like Mission Impossible, and skipped down the stairs, snuck around back of the mouse, who was busy looking through the carpet fibers and thinking of dead mice, crouched down, and quick as lightning PEEP! Snatched that mouse off the floor with his bare hands!! I about fainted. All he could do was call for Joshy to come look at how cute it was. Bleah. I told them to get rid of it outside.
As soon as we got back upstairs, we could see one under the fridge, so I thought well, maybe they can just catch this one too. Caleb got on one side of the fridge, Joshy on the other, and they were both reaching behind it as far as they could go, and they kept saying "we can see it! Try to make him run this way!" And do you know those little sh*ts caught that one too? Caleb caught it, and he took it outside, and they were going on and on about how cute it was, and soft fur, and gross gross GROSS. (that part was me) I called Hubs again, and told him what had happened, and he said, "well, they know they can't keep them right? You did tell them that, right?" Well, no- it never occurred to me that they'd want to! He was right. When I said to them that they couldn't keep it, Caleb hung his head and said, "well Josh, you better got let the other one go". WHAT?? You kept it? WHERE? And along comes Joshy with a bucket...with Robert in it. (they named it Robert.)
I let them keep them for awhile in the bucket, but eventually they took them out to the woods and let them go. It was a sad day for them. And and exhausting two days for me! (they named the other one Bill)
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| First mouse |
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| Necrophiliac mouse! |
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| Caleb after the mouse |
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| This is Robert. |
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| This is Bill and Robert. |
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